Naruto's sexy jutsu's revenge
by ratpigeon
Summary: Sequel to 'Naruto's Sexy Jutsu'. Naruto is back, thirsting for revenge on the Sasuke fanclub, and... he's wearing a dress... Gender-confused Naruto, and insanity of the best kind - the crack FF kind. But read the first one first...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I DON"T OWN F***ING NARUTO! Now, this disclaimer applies to all chapters of this story, cos if I don't own it now, I probably never will.

Hello, this is the first chapter of 'Naruto's Sexy Jutsu's Revenge.' this is a sequel, to 'Naruto's sexy jutsu', and I highly recommend you read that first, and please review it.

Now that's all out of the way, ONTO THE STORY!!

Naruto's sexy jutsu's _Revenge._

Naruko rolled over, the sunlight sadistically attacking her eyes. Standing up she yawned and streched, stiff from the mission she had just finished. Her first mission as a chuunin. Glancing in the mirror, she tutted, seeing the tangled mess her hair was in. After a brief deliberation though, she decided to forgo the hairbrush, and with a few handsigns, changed from girl to boy and back again, leaving her blond hair up in her trademadk ponytails, and smoke wreathing around her naked body. That was such a useful jutsu.

Walking towards the wardrobe, Naruko pulled out undergarments, a short orange and black dress, and a headband, putting it all on quickly, before leaving her room, adjusting the headband and smearing foundation lightly over the three horizontal lines on each cheek.

"To the Ramen Place!" She yelled, to no-one in particular, before leaping onto a nearby roof. This was her last day here, and she wanted a good breakfast in her stomach before she left.

Her headband, inscribed with two zigzagging lines, glinted in the sun.

*

Naruto lay on his back, the world blurring as he felt a hot itching creep over his body, and Kyuubi muttering disapprovingly from his cage.

_You are such a stupid kit. If you had died then where would I be? You realise that we can't stay here anymore, we should probably go to the land of waves - it's far away, and may cool your head enough for you to learn how to think. Also, I think it would be a good idea if you got that sexy jutsu working better... as a disguise of course..._

Naruto groaned as a swirl of orange chakra wrapped around him, and the seen faded into temporary blackness, before an icy cold wind slashed across his injuries, making them burn.

_Here we are. Now get up. We have things to do._

*

"Thanks for carrying my stuff, Gamakichi." Said Naruko to the grandson of the Chief toad, running along beside him, her ponytails flying out behind. "It's very gentlemanly of you."

"I don't care about that." wheezed the toad under his considerable burden. "I just want you to get back to normal. And junkfood. I would really like to take a break for snacks."

"You'll get fat, and what do you mean by- Oh, you mean the ponytails and stuff." Naruko shrugged without breaking her stride. "It's just a disguise. I can't very well walk around without one, if Sakura or Ino find me..." she broke off and shuddered.

_I will never ever let them get me like that again. It's been three years, but I will get my revenge...and Sasuke._

*

So, what does everyone think of this first chapter? It's a little short, but that's okay! Next one should be longer. See ya.


	2. Chapter 2

This is pretty much a recap of the epilouge, from 'Naruco's' point of view, then onto the new stuff.

Chapter two.

"One bowl of Ramen please!" Naruko said, smiling winningly at the shopkeeper. This was the single thing she had missed most about konoha - the Ramen. It was impossible to get stuff of the same quality in the land of waves. The storekeepers eyes bulged, Naroko was certain she was unrecognisable though, especially with the makeup...Naruko touched one hand to her cheek reassuringly, and realised that her makeup had come off.

_Oh...crud._

Fortunately, as Naruko was served and ate her Ramen, the shopkeeper's eyes were too firmly fixed on the black and orange dress that her breasts were squeezed into to notice. It was nice to be home...even if it was in a different body.

Up on the roof of the Ichiraku Ramen shop, Gamakichi was muttering to himself, tucked out of sight as he made his way to Naruko's old apartment. They were both fairly certain that no-one would have re-inhabited it. Naruko, Kyuubi and even Grandpa Gamabunta had decided that it shouldn't happen, so it didn't. Useful.

*

Sakura was walking along the streets of Konoha, peacefully going about her business as a first class medical ninja (Slacking off work so that she could go and chat with Ino about how the Sasuke Fanclub should try and find Sasuke), when she saw someone that should most definitely _not _be walking the streets of Konoha.

It was Naruto...in a dress...with boobs...

"It's so weird being back here... I feel like I should be wearing my orange jumpsuit again..." He muttered quietly to himself...in his girl' body, his disgustingly gorgeous girl's body...At this point, when Sakura was enviously eying Naruto's regular-sized forehead, she noticed the symbol on the headband.

"TRAITOR!!" She shrieked, launching herself at the ex-hidden leaf village ninja, who spun around in surprise, clones instantly springing into existance. Sakura barreled through half a dozen, but by this time, Naruto was already hurling a rasengan at her. After this, it descended into brawling, Naruto switching into his male form for the added strength. Sakura was astonished at how much the idiot blonde loudmouth had improved as she found herself being borne towards the ground, by a boy in a dress.

"Where's Sasuke?" He demanded, pinning her wrists and legs to the ground. After a second of fierce glaring he sat back, confused. "Wow, this is so weird, after all this time....." Sakura, however, wasn't listening, she was fighting back tears, at the mention of their third, missing teammate.

"H-he joined...Orochimaru...we haven't been able to..." Sakra broke off, feeling moisture trickle from her eyes.

"What? How dare he. Where is he?" Naruto asked, putting his hands on his hips in an odly girlish fashion. Sakura opened her mouth to tell Naruto that _she didn't know_, before she realised what a compromising position they were in, at a bout the same time as NAruto.

"Oh! I'm a boy now! oh...Sorry, Sakura, I need to go and get changed, don't try to follow me, you've still got a dose of revenge coming , as soon as I find Sasuke. Wow it's so weird trying to walk like this again - No! I'm a boy! I'm NOT a girl!" Muttering to himself, and patting down his chest, Naruto ran off, leaving a confused Sakura on the ground.

*

Naruto was, once again, confused. He had been a girl almost constantly for the last three years...and now he was running through Konoha in a dress...Fortunately his apartment was close...he was a he..

"Oy! Get in here!" yelled Gamakichi, waving a webbed foot. Having reached the toad equivalent of adolescence, he was becoming much harder to deal with, although the acne didn't show up much. Naruto jumped in, and accepted the jumpsuit thrown at him. He'd made it himself, to match his dress, in the last three years, so it fit him properly, which was a relief. He pulled in on with a sigh, and took a small box from his pocket, and opened it. Inside, was another headband, this one with the familiar spiraling pattern on it. Naruto pulled it out for a moment, but didn't put it on, instead sliding it into his cheast pocket. He didn't really have the right to wear that headband anymore...Removing his replacement, and stashing it in his bag, Naruto - it felt so weird to be calling himself that again as well - left through the window to find Grandma Tsunade, dismissing Gamakichi with a bag of chips.

Naruto pmade good time, considering that he was sneaking across the roofs, trying to avoid any Sasuke fangirls.

"N-Naruto?" NAruto turned at the soft, incredulous voice, and his eyes bulged as he saw the young woman with long, violet hair and lilac eyes. She smelled like flowers too...Naruto noticed absently.

"Hi-hinata?!"

"I thought that you..." Hinata looked away, blushing, but Naruto noticed tears gathering in her eyes, and with the empathy instilled in him by three years as a girl told him that she felt guilty, she thought that she'd killed him, or at least helped, in the Revenge of the Sasuke Fangirls.

"I'm tougher than that! How've ya been? Can you come with me to see Grandma Tsunade?" Naruto rubbed one hand behind his head and began walking again, bringing out his trademark grin for the first time in far too long. "So, how've ya been?" He asked Hinata, as she began to walk beside him.

"Uh.. I've been fine..."

"NARUTO! Hows my favourite student? speaking of which, I need some help with my research, and other than Tsunade, and that Sand ninja, Temari, your the only blond Kunoichi that frequents this place."


	3. Chapter 3

Recap: Jiraiya wants Naruto to help with research - touching reunion between master and student, no?

Chapter Three

"What's being blonde got to do with this?" Asked Naruto, forgetting to deny that he was not a kunoichi, just as Sakura made her own point.

"Ino's blonde." This statement was met with crushing disdain from Jiraiya.

"If I wanted a flat girl with practically white hair, I'd just wear a dress. And you do not want to see me in a dress."

"You've worn a dress before?" Asked Naruto and Sakura in stunned unison.

"I was drunk, and I don't want to go into more detail than that." muttered Jiraiya, darkening.

"Well that still doesn't give you the to insult Ino like that." growled Sakura.

"Why do you want busty blonde chicks?" Asked Naruto, folding her arms.

"Well, I omnly want one, but Tsunade would never help, and that sand girl freaks me out, plus her little brothers the Kazekage, and _Ino_ is just plain ugly."

"HEY!" Sakura snapped, defending her once-nemesis, now co-manager of the Sasuke fanclub - an interdimensional organisation mobilised to nearly kill our nearly invincible hero(ine) in part one of this.

"Fine, she's not my type, now, Naruto, power up that Harem Jutsu of yours and let's go!" Naruto wasn't quite sure what to do. The Naruko persona developed after three years of disguise was torn between flattered and angry, the boy part of him between resignation, distaste and angry - a singular example of when a boy shows greater depth of emotion than a girl, 3:2 - so, he went for the overlap, hopping mad.

"PERVERT! I've barley been in town for two days and your already trying to recruit me for research! You could at least say 'good to see you again', or even offer to teach me a new jutsu! Men are all the same."

"huh?" Jiraiya's face went blank at Naruto's emotional, and unaccustomed outburst, especially the reference to men as an outsider. Unfortunately, he didn't get an explaination, since Naruto had continued, now torn between fuming and sobbing, on his way to the Hokkage's tower.

*

Tsunade was enjoying a cold cup of Sake, and deliberating how best to avoid her paperwork, when Naruto barreled in through her window.

"Hey Grandma, I'm back, do you know where Sasuke is? Oh, yeah, and are you thinking of retiring anytime soon?" Asked the blond ninja all in one breath. It took Tsunade several to realise that _Naruto_, missing, presumed dead, was standing in her room, and several more to process his actual words.

"Sasuke's...You might want to sit down for this Naruto... Your old teammate is working with Orochimaru. We've been unable to locate him, but we've heard rumours, none of them good."

"What Rumours? Tell me where you think he is!"

"I wasn't finished, idiot, I don't think you should go. Sakura needs someone to stay with, and she missed you too. Also, you have no idea how much trouble you are in."

"Naruto! Get back here! I need you for research...I'll teach you a new jutsu if you do, and...oh, yeah, it's good to see you again!" Jiraiya called from a nearby rooftop. "Narutoooo! Here Sexy jutsu jutsu jutsu..."

Naruto looked at Tsunade, who nodded in understanding, before walking to the window, changing into his sexy jutsu form, but this time without the clothes disappearing into smoke - skill perfected through a loooot of training.

"Here I am, Jiraiya sweetie. I'm sorry I ran off on you like that." Naruto adopted the sweetest, most innocently sugary girl-voice he could come up with as he tapped Jiraiya on the shoulder. Jiraiya's eyes bulged, nearly as much as the first time he had seen tHe jutsu - there was a significant increase in curvature.

"Whoo yeah! this book is gonna be great! Now lose the clothes and lets get your harem _going!_" He yelled, pumping his fist.

"Ooh, do you like it... kinky?" Naruto asked, she was starting to regret the improvising. usually things woreked out when he went with a gut instinct, but he was having a bit of trouble setting it up for Jiraiya to get the thrashing he so truly deserved for the trauma of three years ago.

"You bet I do sugar, let's get going!"

"well..." This is the point where we can see that Naruto decided to go for his traditionally tactlessly blatant methods. "SCREW YOU!" Favourite knee to the groin attack, plus Rasengan to the face. Toned down - a little - of course, Jiraiya couldn't _die_, that would be too easy... We can also see that he has become a little bit nastier. Wanna see why?

*

_Naruto, what are you doing? _the Kyuubi asked exasperatedly. He'd become a lot more talkative recently, not necessarily a good thing, but it did give him someone who he could talk to while training, which, he told the fox, was exactly what he was doing.

_That's pathetic. A hundred clones fighting each other is useless. Your body is really in very little need of further conditioning. You, little kit, need to hone your mind and control. And learn some new jutsu, for the love of God._

"How on earth do I do that?" Naruto requested of the grinning maw that was all he could see behind the shadowy bars that had filled his minds eye.

_close your eyes...._when Naruto had done so, the fox demon streched out from the back of its cage, coming forwards into the dim light, but it didn't stop there. Raising a huge paw, it reached through the bars and touched Naruto.

_If I do this for you, you owe me one favour. If I don't, you'll never be strong enough to command respect. _Naruto normally would have refused it as cheating, and cited Sasuke for an example of how this sort of thing was wrong, but the next phrase silenced it ( as well as some judicious genjutus type influence from Kyuubi_) it's only training. I''ll even teach you a jutsu stronger than Rasengan..._

Completely won over, Naruto npodded, and the paw split in two, half retreating back to the cage, the other half remaining, insubstantial, transforming into a humanoid formed of swirling red chakra_. Now, let's see what you can do, little kit._


	4. Chapter 4

Thsi Story has diverted more reviews to the original than it has, isn't that amusing? Anyway, I recently heard from a very wise writer that writing for reviews is immoral, which made me feel bad, so I'm going to write no matter how many reviews I get, and just hope that my readers enjoy. Of course, I do love the reviews.

Chapter Four

When Naruto had finished exacting a temporary measure of revenge on Jiraiya, that included smashing his binoculars, but not quite gouging his blackened eyes out, he returned to Tsunade's office, feeling a lot better.

"Okay, NAruto...Obviously you've gotten qute a bit better..."

"I passed the last chuunin exams, I had to use a few clones to make a team, but I still passed." Naruto grinned at Tsunade, trying to be winning. "I'll even prove that I'm good enough, but first I wanna go get Sasuke back...what do we know about the guys that took him?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, Okay, well, then I'd best be off. Bye Grandma Tsunade, I've got a mission to do."

"Not so fast!" yelled Tsunade, unfortunately, she was too slow to stop the rapidly retreating Ninja. "...Damn, I didn't get a chance to tell him about the Akatsuki..."

*

Sasuke grunted as his sword hit the wall by Orochimaru's head, burying itself up to the hilt in teh stone. The yellow-eyed Ninja smiled, moving out from against the wall.

"I think that's enough training for today, Sasuke-kun, Your getting very good. Soon you will be able to get vengeance on everyone that's killed anyone precious to you."

"Yes..." Sasuke nodded, the images of dozens of black-haired corpses at the feet of his red-eyed brother rising in his minds eye, only to be replaced by the image of one golden-haired boy, standing out like a blood-stained sun against the other shadowy bodies in his orange jumpsuit..._Naruto...._

_*_

"Hi~ I'm Naruko...I seem to have gotten lost, could you possibly tell me where the Otogakure is, handsome?" Naruto asked, biting on the tip of her pinky, squashing her cleavage up over her neckline. It always worked.

"mm...it's...follow me...mm." Said the man, a blond in a long redand black cloak. He'd been with another man before, but his partner had been so hideous that Naruto had decided that no matter what, there was no way he would ever even pretend to flirt with him.

"I'm Deidara by the way mm...." He said, blushing slightly on the one cheek Naruto could see.

It was actually quite surprising Naruto had managed to get baack into the 'i'm a boy' state of mind, especially considering the problems he'd been having wiht his sexy jutsu immediately before he was forced to become Naruko. He guessed it was because he had come to terms with the attraction between him and Sasuke...

"That's such a cool name, Deidaaara..." Naruto smiled coyly at the man, rolling the name around in his pouty girl-lips and taking silent pleasure in making him blush. Men could be such idiots...(looks like the female influence isn't entirely gone)

"Actually, Sasori-sama was going there mm...we can meet him there...your looking for Orochimaru, mm? He's the only thing worth seeing in that Sound village...even if he is entirely lacking in any artistic quality, unlike you, Naruko mmm." Deidara smiled at Naruto leerishly. Naruto smiled back, supressing a grimace. This was going to be a trying few days.

*

"Here we are, Orochimaru will be here soon, beautiful, mm, and probably his apprentices as well. we're going to kill him, wanna help?" Deidara asked, scrunching clay through one of those creepy mouths in his hands and spitting out a perfectly formed swallow that fluttered up and away, wings brushing against Naruko's cheek before it exploded fifty feet in the air with a small shower of sparks.

"I'd love to help you kill Orochmaru." Naruto purred, kyuubi responding in the deep recesss of his mind with a feral grin and a red flash through Naruto's azure eyes.

"Oh, goodie mm. We'll make him go out with a bang together, mm? I'll introduce you to Sasori-sama now mm."

"...can't we just stay here together until Orochimaru shows up, Deidara...?" Naruto asked, fluttering his eyelashes. dealing with two people like this was difficult. Jealousy, and resentment could very quickly ruin things.

"okay...I think I should make a sculpture of you mm...you'd make such a lovely bang..."

Naruto tried not to roll his eyes. He was getting really sick of hearing about art.

"Deidara! Where have you been?" Asked the ugly man - Sasori - coming into Naruto's field of vision.

"I was escorting this woman to her destination mm. I'm thinking about turning her into art."

"Fool, she should be preserved as a puppe- Deidara, that's a jinchuuriki."

"What?!...Oh my, it's Kyuubi, mm! Well, I guess we can't make her into art then, mm..."

"Deidara."

"Oh, right, no hard feelings, mm? We just have to capture you. mm."

"what?" Naruto jumped back, creating a few hundred shadow clones for good measure.

"We want your fox demon. mm. sorry." Deidara said, chomping up large handfuls of clay.

"What?" Naruto snarled, changing back to a boy as the whiskers on his cheeks fanned out and his teeth elongated.

"Mm? Your a boy?"

"...deidara."

"mm, mm, Sasori-sama."

Naruto jumped back, sacrificing several clones as Deidara's exploding clay flew towards him. Another advantage of his jutsu, he'd provoked the blond into showng off a lot of his techniques, and boasting all about the ones he hadn't shown him. Ugly on the other hand...

He had a _tail._

"I am not just a monster, I don't care what you want, I won't let you consider me only for the strength of Kyuubi."

_Let me out, NAruto, I'll show them how powerful you really are._

"But! I just said I wasn't only your strength!"

_My strength is your strength, kit. I taught you. Let me out and take our vengeance._

"Grrr..."

"Oh my, Sasori. Hello, long time no see." NAruto spun round, stopped just short of his attack on the two cloaked men as he heard the voice of Orochimaru, the man who had taken Sasuke and forced him to trek all the way out here with that pain Deidara. He'd barely heard him talk, but the sound was etched into his memory with sheer creepiness.

"Give back Sasuke. I want Sasuke back." growled Naruto, crouching down, Kyuubi stirring in his mind. _You endured the loneliness of starting over, in a new town, amid new distrust and hate, don't let anyone stand in your way, let me out..._

"I can't do that. I need his body."

"Don't you dare lay a finger on him! He's mine!" Naruto made to pounce, red chakra bubbling up around him, but another voice made him freeze, this one infinitely familiar, the memory of it's sound a companion through many hours of self-enforced isolation in the Village hidden in the mist.

"...Naruto?"

*

This hapter took FOREVER! Sorry! Anyway, I'm, finished now, and I'm sorry, this doesn't seem to be turning into the best of comedies, I should probably change the genre...sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Naruto..."

Naruto turned, and saw Sasuke, dressed in a white shirt with the Uchiha crest on the back, and the red chakra receded. he daark-haired Ninja's black eyes were wide and stunned.

"I thought you were...." He said, slowly.

"Sasuke! Did you try to Kkill Sakura-chan?" Snapped Naruto, indignant, remaining traces of Kyuubi's influence supressing the happiness that was struggling to the surface at the sight of the other boy. "You would have robbd me of my revenge! And horw DARE you leave Konoha without telling me where you were going! I had to travel with this guy here to find you! Do you know how ANNOYING he is? And now, I have to fight orochimaru for you and..."

"Sasori-sama, have you got your puppet strings attached to him yet?"

"SHUT UP DEIDARA!" NAruto turned to shout at the blond artisan, before turning back to glare at Orochimaru and Sasuke. "You are not giving your body to creepy snake man. Three years ago, you said you loved me. Therefore, I will claim that body as mine, and anyone other than me that touches it will feel the wrath of Kyuubi. Get it?"

"yes NAruto." Said Sasuke meekly taken aback Naruto Hmphed, and tried to fold his arms, but, to his great consternation, found that he couldn't. Sasori, the really, really ugly one, had his hands out, and Naruto could just sense thin threads of chakra reaching between them and his body.

"Orochimaru. I came here to kill you, but it seems I will have to wait. We'll meet again."

"Of course, Sasori. I'll even let you take the little Jinchuuriki."

"I can't believe that Naruko was all an act." Mumbled Deidara, as it finally hit him that he'd been tricked. "I guess I'll have to make art out of Sasori-sama's body, he's even prettier."

"WHAT?" NAruto yelled, as the hideous Sasori began to drag him away. "Sasuke! KILL THAT MAN!!!"

To save his true love, and also, since it was actually included in part of his master's orders, Sasuke obeyed, attacking wiht his Chidori enhanced Kusenagi, while Naruto managed to break out of Sasori's puppet strings, to attack the hideous man with a supersize Rasengan.

Sasori shattered.

"WHat?" Naruot asked, looking at the deflating black cloak. A small figure lept from between the folds. He looked a lot like Gaara.

"Sasori-sama! Are you okay?" Asked Deidara, easily dodging around Sasuke's sword, creating some small clay birds that he flung towards Sasuke. "mm, even though this kid _looks _like Itachi, he's pretty pathetic."

Wrong thing to say.

"DIE!" Yelled Sasuke, plunging his sword through the smoke of the explosion. It thunked hard into something wet sounding.

"...you just stabbed my partner. Pain will be annoyed if I don't bring in the Jinchuuriki, but without Deidara, I can't take out all three of you...hmmm...That kid is going to be in trouble when I find him." Wit that, Sasori, the not-actually-hideous turned and left, the shattered remains of his body following along on a thread of chakra.

The smoke cleared, and it was revealed that Deidara was nota actually stabbed, it was just a large lump of dissolving clay.

"Damn." THis is possibly the only time, ever, that Orochimaru, Sasuke and Naruto have shared a sentiment.

"Okay, well, Orochimaru, I still really hate you for killing the third, but if you give Sasuke back now, I won't kill you yet, okay?" Asked Naruto, pulling out some clones and creating several Rasengan, as well as letting the red chakra show through. All in all, quite threatening. Especially when Sasuke with his sword and Chidori was backing him up. Orochimaru knew when to quit, and he had a few months of this body left in him, so he was left with very little option other than to let the two walk away.

"Hey, Sasuke, guess what!!" NAruto said exuberantly, still trailed by Rasengan wielding clones.

"What?"

"I'm a higher rank ninja than you now!!"

*

Sasuke sat impatiently at the door, hands in cuffs, and listened to Tsunade chew out Naruto, completely ignored, and very miffed.

"How _dare _you disobey a direct order! You stupid brat!! And right after disappearing for THREE BLOODY YEARS!! Jiriaya was drunk for a month when he thought you'd died, and then you disappear again, before you even get reinstated as a leaf nin, or even hear what I have to say!! THere are-"

"Shaut up, Grandma Tsunade. I wanted to get Sasuke back. Blame Sakura-chan. If she didn't try to kill me then none of this would have happened." Sasuke agreed with Naruto on that, but found it slightly insulting that Naruto, who, although Sasuke loved him dearly, was still just a blonde idiot, was getting interviewed by the Hokage first over a missing nin who was the last member of a powerful clan, and incidently, a ninja genius.

"DON"T INTERRUPT ME!! Sasuke is a missing Nin, HE IS A CRIMINAL!! His Big Brother is a member of Akatsuki, an evil organisation who's sole purpose if to catch YOU! AND YOU RAN OFF AFTER HIM!! _Completely_ IGNORANT of all that!" Sasuke clenched his teeth. His brother was after NAruto too? THat evil, cruel, bloodthirsty scum....

"Yes but-"

"NO BUTS!! I'm revoking any chuunin status you may have had, and, once you pass the academy exam, I will be limiting you to D and C rank missions. Now Scram." Sasuke repressed a smirk. Naruto a chuunin? No way, not until about three years after _he _had made Jonin

"WHat!! You can't DO that!"

"I'm the Hokage. I can and have done that. Now, get out of my office, and send in Sasuke."

Naruto emerged from the office, sulking, and left without even a glance at Sasuke, completley different from his motormouthing the entire way back, in a manner that was almost Sakura-ish. Sasuke felt a slight frown crease his face, but smoothed it over before entering the office of Konoha's Number one scary lady.

"Yes, Hokage?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Sasuke looked around for a chair to seat himself in front of the Hokage, but there weren't any, so he was forced to stand.

"Sasuke...." Tsunade steepled her fingers, regarding him from her large amber eyes. "In the past two years, you have been a rouge ninga, affiliated with a known enemy. Normally, the penalties for this would be severe, but I'm not in the mood to deal with your childishness at the moment, so I'll simply reinstate you as an academy student, under the charge of Naruto - he looks like he'll take good care of you - and forbid you from ever participating in A-rank or higher missions, until I decide to change my mind. That includes anything to do with members of the Akatsuki."

Sasuke was too shocked, humiliated and offended to say anything, so Tsunade continued.

"Also, you will also have to pass the academy test, but with those handcuffs that supress ninety-five precent of your chakra on. If you do, I will reasign the two of you to a team with Sakura as your leader...and that's about it. You can tell Naruto." Tsunade regally waved her hand, signalling for Sasuke to leave.

Shaking with supressed anger, Sasuke stalked out of the room.

"Psst, Sasuke!" NAruto whispered from the window with a grin. Even with his chakra almost entirely quashed, Sasuke could tell that it was only a Shadow clone, since it had only a fraction of Naruto's chakra. "Grandma Tsunade's gonna regret ever trying to nail us, isn't she? Look what I did to _her _monument." With a juvenile grin, he pointed out the window, to show one of his masterpieces of lame practical jokery. Although it _was _impressive in the scope and efficiency of the work. There were several thousand shadow clones swarming around under stone Tsunade's chin, each equipped with stone cutting apparatus, generated by the transformation of yet more clones, as they busily hacked away at the rock, the ones on top dematerialising in a puff of smoke as they finished their section, swinging like a trapeze artist, and wielding a paintbrush like one possessed, was what Sasuke presumed to be the real Naruto, as the letters were slowly revealed under the gleeful brush stroke.

**_HAG EXTRODINAIRE.  
MY FACE IS DOWN THERE YOU IDIOTS._**

where there was was revealed by a long thick arrow pointing to the exaggerated (even for Tsunade) cleavage that the other four thousand or so clones had created. As the last of the clones vanished, sthe updated monument had already gathered a well organised religion, lead by the suitably priestly, Jiraiya. Withing hours, they were banging on Tsunade's door for tax exemption, and also for a real live interview with their new deities. Tsunade, looking out the window about three minutes after Gai showed up with a petition and a shirt saying _"Boku wa Hokage-sama no Breast-kami ga DAISKII-YO!!! GENKI!" (_I love lady hokage's breast gods! Youth!)

Needless to say, she was _not _pleased.

Fortunately, by this time, Naruto had already made good his escape.

Less fortunately, Jiraiya got the blame, when he was discovered spying on his deities while researching a holy text for what had quickly become the underground cult of a vengeful triumvirate of goddesses.

Jiraiya now will leave this story. Apologies to the reader, but you can tell yourselves, if you want, that it is simply because the story is relocating to follow the previously escaped Naruto - and his pet Sasuke who he dragged along.

*

"What do you think of my parting gift, Sasuke? well? well?" Naruto asked, grinning excitedly as a small squadron of clones carried them along - they took turns being the one who got to sit on top and eat the Ramen Sasuke was expected to heat with his fireball jutsus.

"I think you're an idiot. Tsunade is the strongest Kunoichi in the world. And she's out for our blood. She will kill us."

"Nah, she'll blame Jiraiya." Naruto said with a smirk. This was a fitting form of revenge for the disturbation of being ordered to marry his sensei as a naked jutsu-girl.

Did I do well, Kyuubi? Naruto asked the inward voice that had been his sensei since he ran off.

_No, you acted like a complete idiot. I sent you to the land of waves to learn to _think _before you act. _Kyuubi growled in his mind, the red flashing across Naruto's eyes mirroring the disgruntled fox's mood. _I already saved you from angry women once, kit. Don't make me do it again._

But they don't even know _half _of what I learnt from you...

_Tsunade is strong, and she has over a hundred jonin (_a/n is that right?) _at her command. She will find and kill you when she finds out that it wasn't Jiraiya's fault, and you still haven't gotten your vengeance on Sakura._

I'm sorry, Sensei... Naruto sighed, turning his attention back to Sasuke as he accepted the ramen cup from him, slightly blackened on the outside.

"We're going to go back to the village hidden in the mist - I'm still a chuunin there, and Tsunade won't be able to get us without starting a war." NAruto said with a grin. then he sobered suddenly, blushing. "Hey, Sasuke, it's been, uh,k it's been three years since we last saw each other, and I was a bit of a jerk to you then, but I was wondering, do you still, uh, do you..." Naruto broke off, blushing. Neither Naruto nor Naruko had much experience in this. Naruko had had offers, Naruto had had infatuations, neither had come together, and Sasuke was taking a long time to answer.

*

I'm sorry this took so long to update, and I looked back over the other chapters to remind myself what I was doing, so I'm also sorry for the spelling errors, but I'm too tired to proofread this, so I guess when it's all over, I'll go back and repost all the chapters sans typos...

Does ANYONE have any ideas for the rest of the plot. I'm stuck about two chapters in the future. as you read, please utilise those writers noggins you all have to help me come up with something to do in future chapters, I will be eternally grateful...


	7. Chapter 7

A/N... Okay... well... I'm back... It's taken me more than a year to update this, which is really shocking. But, since Librarycat9 gave me seventeen reviews in one day, I feel I owe it to them to try again...

Chapter Seven:

Naruto felt his blush darken with humiliation as the moment where Sasuke could have said yes passed (Sasuke took a VERY long time to answer...). Three years was just too long to expect an Uchiha as arrogant as Sasuke to wait. He'd probably found some minion of Orochimaru's, or even the man himself, to keep himself entertained...

"Do I still what?" Sasuke murmured, leaning in and kissing NAruto on the cheek.

Their carriage of clones stopped as Naruto's mouth dropped open.

"Y-y-y..."

"Idiot." Sasuke murmured, looking away dismissively, but resting a hand on NAruto's back as he did so. Naruto, brain nearly melting from the mixed signals, consulted his inner woman, who was also confused, and ripping her hair out.

"...I think he was saying that he likes us..." One of the clones said. He had a view of Sasuke's face – slightly pink – from where he was standing.

"Wh- but... WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST _SAY _THAT??" Naruto yelled, tackling Sasuke.

"...Didn't feel like it." Sasuke murmured, trying to push NAruto off him. The shorter boy had pinned him down, and was growling in a distinctly disturbing way... his eyes were _red..._

"...Do. You. Want. To. Be. With. Me?" The blond Chuunin (or demoted Chuunin if you listened to Tsunade) snarled, enunciating each word slowly around his growing canines.

Wondering if maybe he'd gotten himself in deeper than intended, Sasuke nodded, swallowing slightly.

"Then. Kiss. Me." NAruto himself wasn't sure quite what he was up to... he felt Kyuubi's interference radiating out from the seal in his stomach, making him much more forward than he would have normally been, but wasn't sure what the fox was up to...

One of the clones applied judicious pressure to the back of Sasuke's head, making him realise just how weird it was to be sitting on top of a platoon of clones, right as his lips met Naruto's.

The blond's mouth was feverish as he gripped Sasuke's wrists, his fangs - they were like some sort of animal's – rubbed against the dark-haired genius' pale lips, before they suddenly bit down sharply.

"OW!" Sasuke pulled back, pressing his hand to his mouth as he tasted blood.

"Sorry, I-" Naruto sat back on his heels, blushing and fumbling for words. He didn't have to spend long doing that, before suddenly the seal on his stomach flashed blinding hot red for a moment, and he... imploded.... his body being _sucked into the seal_, leaving a small pile of clothes, and a scrap of parchment lying on the ground as the army of clones suddenly vanished as well.

"What the...? Sasuke asked, sitting up and looking around.

"SASUKE!!!" SAsuke looked up at the ominous sound of female voices and thundering feet.

The Sasuke Fanclub had returned.

*

"What the hell kyuubi?" Naruto snapped, turning to face the fox demon, who was chewing on the bars of its cage in frustration. "You're screwing with my head."

"Why are you being bashful around Sasuke?!? He said he wanted you, go _ravish him_!!"

"Wh-WHAT??"

"You heard me! Go!" The kyuubi growled, its tails whipping through the bars towards Naruto.

"N-no. I'm not just going to go ravish him. I want it to be _special_.

"That's girl talk." Kyuubi growled mockingly. "... you owe me a favour. I taught you. You owe me. So go ravish the Uchiha boy."

"No! Why do you care what I do with Sasuke? You're a fox."

"...He looks like Madara." The Kyuubi muttered, almost bashfully, looking away.

"Madara? You mean that super-evil guy who took control of you with his eyes and made you ravage the village Madara?"

"... they were such a beautiful red... I got lost in them." The Kyuubi muttered by way of explanation, sighing.

"That's just wrong..."

"I'm a demon, what do you expect? Now either get out of here and go do things to Sasuke that are unmentionable in a T-fanfiction, or stay here and I'll show you..."

"How can you show me if it's outside the rating?"

THe Kyuubi grinned evilly, as the distance between its cage and NAruto seemed to shrink. THe blond ninja gulped nervously.

"Time lapse."

*

Okay, with this stroke of inspiration, or 3am-gotta-finish-chapter-ness, I have figured out the rest of my plot, so this will probably wrap up soon. If any of my old readers are still out ther, thankyou for your patience... I am very sorry.


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